Post by t***@aol.comBy the way... where the hell is Shane?
I am here. I was out of town over the holiday, that's why I didn't
reply before now.
I enjoyed the movie, though it is probably my least favorite of the
Indys. There is one thing that I thought was absolutely, spot-on
right: Harrison Ford. He still has it. Who knows where he's been
keeping it for, oh, the last decade or so, but he obviously still has
it. Also, Shia was good. But I guess I will start listing the things
I didn't like, since that is always more fun to talk about than the
good stuff:
1) Marion. I don't have a problem with her coming back. She was
always the best of the girls. But that was NOT Marion Ravenwood. I
blame the friggin screenwriter, who apparently never watched the first
movie. Marion is not some sweetheart soccer mom. She is a tough as
nails, exasperating, sexy hellcat. I know Karen Allen hasn't exactly
had a movie career since roughly Starman, but she just could not act
that part. Even Spielberg couldn't get a good performance out of
her. It's not all her fault. It's like they all know that she has a
successful knitting business now, so they wrote the part for THAT
lady, not the chick who can drink sherpas under the table and then
slug it out with Nazis.
2) The aliens. Very specifically, the fact that all their heads
merged together at the end and we got to see them warp Galadriel's
brain. I was totally okay with the alien remains in the warehouse,
even with the crystal skulls that had been left behind for thousands
of years. But when they all came alive and saucered into the sunset,
it felt more sci-fi than adventure. And that total garbage about them
being trans-dimensional beings rather than aliens ... that was a total
pandering to fanboys who are worried about aliens. So that George can
say "No, they WEREN'T aliens! They were trans-dimensional
travellers!" As if that is somehow better.
3) Mucking around with the structure of the movies. The previous
three movies all began at the tail end of one adventure, and then
picked up a new adventure. This one started with the Russians/Aliens
right away. I don't really have a problem with it, but for a brief
instant, I thought George had done something brilliant: Start the
movie with the tale end of an alien adventure, then segway into a new
story with Crystal skulls. That would have been a brilliant move to
counteract all the fanboy nervous twittering. But no, the whole thing
was alien skulls.
4) "Miss Ravenwood and Mr. Jones Cordially Invite You to their
Wedding." What is this, Muppets Take Manhattan? Can you imagine a
Bond movie ending with a wedding? And the three of them all dancing
off down the aisle, arm in arm. Give me a break. At least Shia didn't
put on the hat.
5) Ridiculous supporting characters. First there's the sidekick that
kept switching sides (for no reason). Then there's the bumbling,
hypnotized Ocks guy (no point to him). Then there's the Russian
dominatrix who is psychic, but never uses her psychic abilities. Then
there's Marcus Brody's twin brother, Mimcus Brody (or whoever he was)
to cover for the fact that Denholm Elliot is dead. And I've already
covered Marion.
6) Indy being hypnotized by the skull. Not sure what the point of
that scene was. Did the skull give him knowledge or anything? Seemed
pretty silly and useless. Reminded me too much of the personality-
changing blood potion that they feed him in Temple of Doom.
7) The nuclear-proof fridge and Shia the Ape Man. It ticks me off
that they have stooped to cartoonish action like that. Just totally
implausible stuff. I know none of Indy's prior stunts are all that
feasible, but they felt almost possibly (except jumping from the plane
on a raft). But there's no way that a guy hiding in a fridge in
ground zero survives the blast, the heat, being shot several miles out
of the blast zone, and supremely lethal radiation levels, all because
the fridge was lead-lined. I'll buy him passing under a truck. I
won't buy him surviving Chernobyl. As to Shia and the vine
swinging... who thought that was a good idea?
8) I thought the snake gag worked to a point, until he made them tell
him it was a "rope". Alright Indy, stop being such a baby.
9) This isn't really their fault, but the ending "treasure room" felt
like a complete rip-off of National Treasure. Right, this is the room
where the Masons and the Aliens all got together and put a bunch of
historically and culturally significant items.
It probably sounds like I've hated every aspect of the movie, but I
was actually mentally prepared for the aliens, so they didn't catch me
off guard. And Harrison was VERY strong. Even within scenes where
the bad stuff was happening, he was distracting you from it by being
Indiana freakin Jones. On the whole, I get the feeling that maybe
Steven felt sorry for George and that's why he's there. And Harrison
is there because let's face it, he needs a hit. And George is there to
try and cram CGI ants down everyone's throat (literally). So I think
this one maybe lacked a little heart and energy. But it's still an
okay time.
-Shane